My Vows

A few nights ago, I woke up with the smooth sensation of a half-remembered dream that I would live forever just so I could love you forever. I experienced how soil must feel to drink water, or a bird lifted by warm air, or a wave to have traveled an eternity to crash upon land and then return back with renewed energy. Overnight, I experienced a life well lived, as if the mere act of loving you gave me purpose. I could have died then and passed with fullness, a flash of life in the brief history of time.

I believe that waking up looking forward to the day is a barometer for how happy you are in life. The crazy thing is I look forward to sleeping just so I can have that moment where I open my eyes and realize you are next to me. In that moment, I am a child again with unlimited possibilities. I am a father with a chance to renew his life. I am your lover waiting with bated breath to kiss you and watch you wake.

The day before leaving for the Playa, in the middle of all the stress preparing for Burning Man, I watched you pause and play with our friend’s baby Ryan. You set aside all the checklists and worries and exhaustion you were feeling and gave all of your being to that innocent, joyful experience with a child.

I caught myself pausing to just stop and stare at you as I often do. I wondered what I could do to be like you: to be so genuine and possess such warmth that everyone around you is enriched. Sometimes, I just watch you and ask myself how any person can be so full of unbridled joy and goodness, and what feats of husbandry I can perform to deserve you for the rest of my life. I knew then what my vows would be: I vow to give all of me to you because it would still not be enough. I vow to empower you, to make you smile, to share you with the world, to love you as much as Tofu loves treats, because you are a prism from which light enters and a rainbow exits, shining on everyone around you.

I am so happy I have the opportunity to be with you every day, to hold you and imagine all the memories we will create until we are old and gray and dust again. I wish I could marry you over and over again just so I could tell everyone, everyday how incredible you are and how lucky I am. I would write a compendium of poetry to espouse this feeling, so maybe every man and woman could know even a brief passing of it, for all would be enriched by it. Words are not enough, I could never do enough, but I will try, because what choice do I have, does any man have, when faced with the art of you?

Thank you with all of my being for marrying me. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to wake up to you. Thank you for all that you are and all that we will be. Chuchu Baobei, I love you now and forever.